Carol Rutz's Lecture at Indiana University in November 2003

Precautions must be taken not only to protect operations from exposure to enemy forces but also to conceal these activities from the American public in general.  The knowledge that the Agency is engaging in unethical and illicit activities would have serious repercussions in political and diplomatic circles and would be detrimental to the accomplishment of its mission.

What I hope to leave you with today is a more open and questioning mind—one that allows you to look at the unbelievable and know that reality can still exist within that framework. By sharing my personal story combined with documented facts, I hope to alter your world view.

Robert Kennedy said,

"It is from numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped.  Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples build a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance."

It is for just such a reason that I wrote this book, "A Nation Betrayed and devote a portion of my life to advocacy.  By exposing the misuse of power that took place during the Cold War, I am giving countless survivors a voice.

I believe the political situation that existed in the 50's and 60's--the paranoia surrounding anti-communism—was a key factor in allowing human rights violations. After our use of the atomic bomb in Hiroshima the Soviets detonated their own test bomb in 1949.  Many Americans believed the USSR was intent on conquering us.  The powers-that-be  used this   fear of obliteration to give them   unlimited financial resources and the power of secrecy ("national security") to "fight communism."

Combine that with the importation into the U.S of nazi doctors and scientists who participated in biological and chemical research experiments during WW2 and you have a deadly mixture.  The Army's Chemical Corps at Edgewood Arsenal in Maryland ended up conducting experiments on more than 7000 American soldiers, using Auschwitz documents as a guide.

In 1954 its Medical Research Laboratory was staffed with an abundance of highly qualified personnel.  130 enlisted scientific and professional personnel   and 117 civilian employees   including numerous Ph.D.s and MDs from such leading universities as:  Harvard Medical College, University of Munich, University of Pennsylvania, Johns Hopkins University, Princeton University, Cambridge, Duke, University of Berlin, Columbia, Cornell, and Stanford.  In addition to its own select staff, the Medical Laboratories had continuous imput from the private sector of medical research in the form of contractual arrangements, chemical and medical advisory councils, industrial liaison, and published literature.

In 1994 a Congressional subcommittee revealed that up to 500,000 Americans were endangered by secret defense related tests between 1940 and 1974.  They included covert experiments with radioactive materials, mustard gas, LSD, and biological agents.

Today's climate of terrorism since the 9/11 attacks and the death of 3000 people has fostered the "Patriot Act."  "Terrorism" has replaced "communism" as the menace.  The American public now seems to be willing to give up   many of the rights their forefathers fought for because of this fear of terrorism.  I hope by presenting my story--what I experienced in my childhood--you will understand the horror of allowing history to repeat itself.   We cannot allow Fear   to be used as a tool to manipulate us.

I am a survivor of   mind control experiments performed under the CIA's MKULTRA program.  MKULTRA was established in 1953 to counter soviet and Chinese advances in brainwashing and interrogation techniques and consisted of 149 subprojects contracted out to at least 80 institutions including hospitals and Universities.  In 1977 Director of Intelligence Stansfield Turner said    the program was initiated because the Agency was confronted with "learning the state of the art of behavioral modification at a time when the U.S. Government was concerned about inexplicable behavior of persons behind the 'iron curtain' and American prisoners of war who had been subjected to so called brainwashing."

Now for some of my background.  I have DID, Dissociative Identity Disorder that used to be known as multiple personality disorder.  The media has sometimes portrayed multiples in such a way that we seem either crazy, homicidal or sex fiends.  I can assure you that I am none of those things.  My head will not fly around backwards while I'm talking nor will horns sprout.  You may find though, that some of the material I present is very difficult to listen to.  If you need to leave to take care of yourself and the feelings that this material arouses, I will understand.

In my family pedophilia was passed down from generation to generation. I was a baby in diapers when my father first started to sexually abuse me.  It was at the age of two that my mind felt the need to create my first personality or alter, as I will refer to them, in order to handle the trauma from the continued abuse by him and other family members.  Creating an alter also creates an amnesiac barrier--totally separating these experiences    from my conscious recall. Emigrating from Europe and hidden behind Catholicism, my family also brought their occult practices.  Before my third birthday the trauma from a Satanic Ritual Cult initiation forced another alter to be created.

From that point on it became standard operating procedure.  Disassociation had become a way of life for me to cope with severe and prolonged abuse.  I had no control over it.  It was my mind's way of allowing me to stay sane when everything around me was totally insane and out of control.

My alters hid a good deal of my past   from me until 12 years ago.  Most survivors of abuse are deprived of normal human relationships during their childhood.  It tends to make us isolate, withdraw, and seek only the company of those we know, not those who will help us see what "Normal" really is.  It was not until after my father died that some parts of me—my alters or personas were set free to begin the healing process.

Before my memories returned--before the amnesiac barrier was broken down, I was married to an emotionally, physically, and sexually abusive man   not unlike my dad.  After 18 years and three children, I was able to finally break free from that relationship.  A high profile management job, which consumed most of my time and energy, left little time for anything other than survival.  Survival was what I was accustomed to.

Fortunately in 1987, I met and    married    the man who has supported me through my very difficult healing journey.  It was only after 4 years of marriage to him   I felt safe and accepted for the first time in my life.  My unconscious allowed my long held secrets to begin to surface    through flashbacks, abreactions, and body memories.  I went into full blown post traumatic stress disorder just like returning servicemen or women who experience the horrors of war and may find themselves triggered by something ordinary in their day to day lives.  Many of them would flashback and find themselves on the battlefield again, not sitting in their living room with their family.  This same type of thing happens with multiples when they begin to become cognizant of their experiences.

An abreaction goes something like this.  The brain is somewhat like a phonograph record, it records the original happening.  With Dissociative Identity Disorder, amnesia is created for the traumatic incident to save the young child's sanity.  When the amnesiac barriers are removed, it is like putting the needle back on the track of the record where the original memory is stored.  It is replayed just as it happened.

The nature of my memories include incest, ritual abuse and government experimentation.  How does one understand and talk about the horrors of growing up in an intergenerational cult let alone being drafted into service by our government as a child guinea pig?

As those first horrible memories returned, I asked myself many things.  How could I have people living inside my body?  How could many of the things I remembered have happened and how could I possibly understand it?  It seemed I had no choice if I was to understand and cope with life as a multiple but to seek help.

Through therapy with a qualified professional I encountered the first horrible discovery every multiple finds—their whole life was a lie.  At least what they thought their life was.  How do you accept the lies—the betrayal—the total breakdown in your reality?  I knew I was crazy--I had to be.  Fortunately that wasn't the case and by piecing together the puzzle of my life--by allowing each individual alter to tell their story I began to heal.  From the beginning my therapist encouraged me to journal.  Throughout the week I allowed my alters to write and draw the details of their abuse.  I simply sat down and allowed control to whoever needed to talk.  This was the beginning of one of the major things I found   necessary to heal—Finding MY Voice.  Finding the Voice that was taken away from me as a child allowed me to break through the barriers within and reach out to those parts that held the truth of their lifelong experiences. The other thing it allowed me to do   was Validate my experiences.

In those early days as the bits and pieces of my life were expressed on the pages of my journal I was afraid all of the time—24-7.  I was flooded with memories, flashbacks, and nightmares.  Fear was my number one major obstacle to overcome before any real work could be done.  I was afraid of remembering and I was afraid not to remember.  I was afraid the cult would somehow know I was talking and send someone to exterminate me.  I was afraid the memories were really true.  I was afraid I was a liar and for some reason making it all up.  I eventually came to accept and know that no matter what; I had already lived through the worst.  Remembering, understanding, feeling and incorporating those experiences was the pathway I walked to slowly integrate my alters.

Fear consumed me until I finally let go and allowed the details of my life to flow from my mind to the paper and then in therapy through my mouth.  I found that letting my alters finally have a voice and speak the truth was the only way through the fear.  My alters found painting and drawing to be a perfect expression for getting scenes recorded-- peoples faces, places, buildings, ceremonies.  I never knew what was going to be painted or drawn, I just gave my alters free reign.  Years later when I actually was able to match real people and places with these, the validation was overwhelmingly powerful and helped me to understand what truly happened to me.

I think it is important to document for you the clear pattern of experimentation on children that existed throughout the time I was part of the governments mind control experiments.

Fernald School-Young male children who were institutionalized at the Fernald School in Massachusetts were fed radioactive cereal in the 1940s and 1950s.

The parents as well as the children were simply told they were being fed a diet rich in iron.  According to oral testimony given before the President's Advisory Committee on Human Radiation, they were told they belonged to the Science Club to make them feel special and then taken to the MIT Faculty Club where it was easier to control them.  One researcher said, "It would be nice to do something for them because these kids have been involved, we've had to jab them [with needles], and they had to eat a meal—every little drop of it, because you wanted to be sure they got 100 percent of the radioactivity—wouldn't it be nice to do something for them?"

Willowbrook State School-Dr. Saul Krugman of New York University conducted  studies of hepatitis during the  1950s  and  1960s on  the severely mentally retarded .

He systematically infected newly arrived children between the ages of three and eleven with strains of the virus obtained from the feces of Willowbrook hepatitis patients.  This was done to study the natural history, effects, and progression of the disease.  Franz Inglefinger, who later became the editor of the New England Journal of Medicine   said, "By being allowed to participate in a carefully supervised study and by receiving the most expert attention available for a disease of basically unknown nature, the patients themselves benefited . . . How much better to have a patient with hepatitis accidentally or deliberately acquired under the guidance of a Krugman, than under the care of a rights-minded zealot."

582 third graders in the Baltimore public schools   were part of a 1948-1954 experiment conducted by Johns Hopkins to test the effects of Nasal Radium Irradiation.  No medical notice or follow-up action was taken by the federal government, despite an earlier determination that these children   had the greatest cancer mortality risk of any experiment it examined for which people were still alive and might benefit from medical notice and follow-up.

Vanderbilt University Hospital - 1945-49 at Prenatal Clinic

At Vanderbilt-829 women were told to drink something that would be good for their fetuses.  The drinks actually contained varying amounts of radioactive iron.  Within an hour, the material crossed the placenta and began circulating in the blood of their unborn fetuses.“  In a study done in the sixties, scientists discovered four fatal malignancies among the children exposed to prenatal radiation and no cancers in the non-exposed group.

D.C. Children’s Center in Laurel in a section called the District Training School  60’s-Retarded children were used as human guinea pigs for both private industry and the government.

Among the experiments, was the testing of NeoBazine a diet pill commonly referred to as "rainbow pills."  They contained thyroxin, which caused tremors, nervousness, insomnia, and tachycardia.  It was being tested for its safety and efficiency.  In October 1964 the FDA found that the drug was not safe for use.  In 1962 the children were again used to test a drug for skin diseases, which doctors strongly suspected caused serious side effects to the human liver.  More than half the children tested suffered some liver dysfunction.  Eight were admitted to D.C. General Hospital for intensive care.  That same year, 17 Laurel Center children were used to study thyroid hormone metabolism in children.  The children were injected with thyroxin mixed with radioactive iodine to aid doctors in tracing a body process.

As you can see, there was a clear pattern of using innocent children who had no way of protecting themselves.

Peter Lewis, who had biomedical experiments performed on him received proof after the death of his adoptive father who had served in Army Medical Research.  Peter and his sister Carol were adopted from Germany in the early 50's.  His adoptive mother told him he was bought for $1000 and that the army owned him. They even gave him dog tags.  According to Peter   his adoptive father told her, "He's your project."  Peter also wrote she admitted to putting a substance from Walter Reed doctors in their breakfast cereal and when they wouldn't eat it because of the taste they were beaten unmercifully.  There were occasions when   his arms and thighs were covered with very painful boils.  I wonder if this wasn't from Radiation poisoning like at Fernald School for the mentally retarded where they fed them radioactive cereal.  Peter's mom said   "I did my duty."

She reportedly gave Peter pills from Walter Reed that caused hallucinations and nightmares.  Since LSD was part of the MKULTRA experiments, I am assuming this is probably what the substance was.  I guess when we look at the case of the four New Jersey children who hit headlines last week; we understand anything is possible especially when you use the words "It's good for National Security."  The New Jersey children   were alleged to have been systematically starved by their adoptive parents while the system stood by and did nothing.

Peter said, "My understanding is the sole purpose of adoption of me was for experiments.  We have documents and hospital papers for much of this to back this up.  Since my dad died, we were able to go through all the papers and find documents, papers, and photographs.  These are military photographs he was ordered to destroy, but he brought some home and didn't destroy everything."

Peter has a Picture of himself and other Boy Scouts at Walter Reed in 1958 where radioactive experiments were done.  In 2000 Peter told me about some of the experiments including   a number of bone biopsy's done after   he drank radioactive material.  He called them Gamma Radiation Experiments.  He says they used numbers instead of names to identify him, which is what I too remember—being given a number.  Isn't that what they used in the concentration camps?

Peter said they did so many bone biopsies on him that people started asking questions, so they tried to deem him retarded.  His IQ is 128.  I guess that speaks for itself.  His sister, Carol died with Brain cancer from the radiation.  The doctor found   a crust on her brain and told her she had it for 20, 25 years--at the time the radiation experiments were done.

It is not hard to understand how devastating it would be to learn that you had been adopted for the sole purpose of being a human guinea pig.

Karen Coleman Wiltshire, another survivor, helped Peter with some of his FOIA requests to the government.  She attended several public forums with the Department of Defense as a representative of ACHES (Advocacy Committee for Human Experimentation Survivors) and was outspoken on behalf of survivors on each occasion.  She too, was one of the very few who was able to obtain her medical files from John Hopkins proving her experimentation.

Karen's father worked for the Applied Physics Lab at Johns Hopkins.  She obtained her files through sheer persistence, help from the almighty, and a mistake by a clerk who was not supposed to give the information out.  Karen  told me they transported her to Washington, Maryland and Virginia, to military and government labs by private ambulances, military cars, and yellow school buses.  She said her experiments took place from 1961 through 1970.  Karen related to me that she was kept in the Harriet Lane Home for Invalid Children at John Hopkins where there were wards of children.  Her parents had been told she was being treated for a heart defect.  She said when they would come to visit, she would be put in a private room with her belongings in order for it to appear as though she had been there all along.  When her parents left, they returned her to the ward where she said they did LSD, ECT, and other strange experiments.  One of these she explained was to be trained to eliminate emotions and feelings by using assorted torture and other techniques.  This sounds very much like the mind control technique used on me by the CIA and other branches of the government.

This is a copy of the consent form for Karen's transportation to Walter Reed Medical Center in Washington D.C.  It says in part, "I understand that the above patient, being a patient in the Pediatric Clinical Research Unit is participating in a research program requiring her presence at Walter Reed Army Medical Center and that a series of visits to Walter Reed Army Medical Center is necessary to complete such a program."  

Karen was responsible for spurring me on to obtain information through FOIA requests that would help me validate my memories.  She was always banging on doors, persistent to get the truth out, especially when she found out there were so many other kids who were used as human guinea pigs.  The Department of Energy had told her she was the only one, but she said that Pentagon sources had personally told her they "didn't want our stories out at any cost.  The plan was to pay off a few token victims and blow the rest off."  Karen did not live to see any of us receive validation or vindication.

On April 5, 1999 Karen made a presentation on behalf of ACHES entitled ETHICS before the National Institute of Health's' Bioethics Group.  She died on April 23, 1999 after doing exhaustive investigation of DOD experiments on human beings.  More and more child survivors are coming forward.  I receive emails weekly from them and their doctors, more than two years after my books release.  They are looking for information and validation for the memories and trauma they are remembering.  Some just want to say thanks.  Until reading my book they thought they were alone and crazy.

Now that I have established a clear pattern of children being used as human guinea pigs, I would like to share with you my own search for the truth.

I did not start breaking through the government programming until I brought a lot of stability into my life where I was moving from focusing on the trauma of my childhood to living in the here and now.  I learned to stay grounded and centered and leave the old coping techniques of dissociation behind.  When I began to find these alters who had been programmed and experimented on by men employed by our government, I began a brand new journey.  My book details that journey.  As a   survivor of CIA program MKULTRA, I began my intense search to document some of the mind control experiments that I became part of, starting at the tender age of four.

Through a series of FOIA requests to various departments of the government, and exhaustive research, I have amassed an incredible amount of material that I feel validates my personal experiences.   The CIA bought my services from my grandfather in 1952.  He loaded me up with my little suitcase while my mom was giving birth to my younger sister.  On that day I was driven to Detroit where I boarded an aircraft to New York to a facility funded by the CIA to do covert experiments.  My first plane ride ended in a nightmare that was to haunt me for the next 45 years.

Over the next twelve years, I was tested, trained, and used in various ways.  All the programming that was done to me by the CIA was to split my personality making me a compliant slave.   It was Trauma based using things like electroshock, sensory deprivation, and drugs.  Later the trauma wasn't necessary, only hypnosis accomplished with implanted triggers and occasional tune-ups that took place at Wright Patterson Air Force Base not far from my home.

I became a human experiment-- part of their search for a way to take control of a man's mind.  During the course of these experiments they created alters to do their bidding--Manchurian Candidates is an appropriate term.

In a document dated November 21, 1951 approximately 7 months before I was first experimented on,  the CIA proposed a three to five year outside research project to search for exceptionally gifted individuals who could obtain both perfect and scattered ESP test performance.  Since I displayed psychic abilities, they trained an alter to use these abilities in a way they hoped would benefit the agency.

The CIA made sure that this project would never be made known.  The document says,

"It would be necessary to be exceedingly careful about thorough cloaking of the undertaking.  I would not want anyone here in the deleted except deleted and myself to know about it . . . Funds necessary for the support of the work would carry no identification and raise no questions."

Here we clearly see the compartmentalization and secrecy used for these experiments.

In his book Bluebird:  Deliberate Creation of Multiple Personality by Psychiatrists,  Dr. Colin Ross documents those doctors who were working under MKULTRA government contracts for the specific purposes of breaking the mind and rebuilding it.  These doctors, and I use that term loosely, were looking for children who had the ability to disassociate from reality for  their  projects.  I fit the bill.

A very poignant declassified document from 1954 says,

" Practical  -  Not  theoretical research be conducted and carried out.  The nature of this research to include 20 specific problems."

Here are a few:  SI - Sleep Induction.  H stands for Hypnosis  

2.        Can we in a matter of an hour, two hours, one day, etc., induce an H condition in an unwilling subject to such an extent that he will perform an act for our benefit?  (Long range).

4.        Could we seize a subject and in the space of an hour or two by post-H control have him crash an airplane, wreck a train, etc.?  (Short, immediate activity)

5.        Can we by SI and H techniques force a subject (unwilling or otherwise) to travel long distances, commit specified acts and return to us or bring documents or materials?  Can a person acting under post-H control successfully travel long distances?

7.       Can we guarantee total amnesia under any and all conditions?

8.       Can we "alter" a person's Personality?  How long will it hold?

10.     Can we detect SI and H by use of SI and H (regression)?

12.     Can we devise a system for making unwilling subjects into willing agents and then transfer that control to untrained agency agents in the field by use of codes or identifying signs or credentials?

13.     How long can we sustain a post-H suggestion-unaided-with reinforcement?

20.     Can we, while a subject is under SI and H control, show them a map and have them point out specific items, locations, etc., on the map?  Can we also have them make detailed drawings, sketches, plans?  Could any of the above be done under field conditions and in a very short space of time?

Another CIA Document from 1951 says “Our work and the work of others indicate that there is a strong possibility that total amnesia or an almost total amnesia will follow the use of our technique as a general rule.”

Many of the experiments performed on me were done to heighten and use ESP, Remote Viewing, and the energy of the mind.  The alters created within me for use by our government were of several different types.  One was trained to use  the " RED FIRE."  The Red Fire was the energy I stored away during trauma, the hatred and fear that accumulated over the years each time I was assaulted, experimented on etc.  I was taught how to access this energy and use it to psychically kill.  If you think this psychic killing sounds far fetched you may be interested to know that back in the Sixties, the Soviet Union began to pour money and resources into the study of ESP and psycho kinesis, phenomena collectively termed "psi" by researchers in the field.  Much of this psi research came under the control of the Soviet military and KGB.  They also screened Red Army recruits for psychic abilities, and pumped talented subjects full of dangerous drugs to promote psi-conducive altered states.  Subjects in psycho kinesis or "remote-influencing" experiments tried to stop the hearts of small animals, or concentrated on foreign political leaders, beaming at them "negative psi particles."  

Soviet and Czech scientists were said to be working on electromagnetic devices that would cause strokes or heart attacks, and it was even rumored that they had perfected a "psychotronic generator", which could scramble people's minds at great distances.

An unclassified 1972 Defense Intelligence Agency report expressed concerns that "Soviet efforts in the field of psi research, sooner or later, might enable them to do some of the following,"

(a)   Know the contents of top secret US documents, the movements of our troops and  ships and the location and nature of our military installations
(b)   Mould the thoughts of key US military and civilian leaders at a distance
(c)   Cause the instant death of any US official at a distance
(d)   Disable, at a distance, US military equipment of all types, including spacecraft."

All I can say is that we may not have all the declassified documents on what the U.S was working on, but we can be sure they were doing tit for tat what their Russian counterparts were, only a lot of it was being done on small children.

One of my  child alters was trained sexually in order to compromise men of power so they could be blackmailed at a later date.  Another was created and told it was a robot to store information.  Many survivors speak of similar types of programming.

Alpha is general programming within the control personality.

Beta is sexual programming, i.e. child pornography, prostitution, and sexual training used for the benefit of a handler for blackmail or personal use.  This programming eliminates all learned moral conviction from the survivor, so that the function can be carried out without inhibition.

Delta is a trained killer, a sleeping assassin.  Delta survivors feel no fear and have been trained in the use of specialized arms and alternative methods of disposal.  Sirhan Sirhan had total amnesia of the killing of Robert Kennedy, but under hypnosis remembered it.  Mr. Sirhan's lawyer says his client was programmed to kill Kennedy by government agents who wanted to prolong the Vietnam War.

Theta is psychic killing, such as the training I was involved in.  Most survivors with Theta programming exhibit an unusually high level of ESP in their day-to-day lives.  Many even train in alternative methods of healing before they discover the theta programming.  It seems to be a way for the dominant personality to use their energy in a positive healing manner, thereby compensating for the negative uses of this same energy.

Omega is self-destruct programming installed in the event a survivor would start remembering.  It was used to prevent them from going public.  There generally is self destruct programming associated with Delta assassin programming if the survivor is captured.

One survivor recently wrote to me saying, “Such Events and people were horrific to remember.  There is no public awareness so there is no one to go to with your memories and, when your government is your enemy you certainly feel you must keep the memories inside.”

Books written by survivors of these programs recount the horrors they were forced to endure during their training.  Many of these survivors have worked through their memories, dealt with their programming and are free from such triggering.  How many are still "Sleeping," awaiting the call of their handlers?

One study done in secrecy for ten years became the foundation for the ESP experiments under MKULTRA Subproject 136.  One of the documents specifically stated that "experimental studies   of a few specially gifted subjects would be conducted and that  special attention will be given to disassociative states which tend to accompany spontaneous ESP experiences.  Such states can be induced and controlled to some extent with hypnosis and drugs . . . The data used in the study will be obtained from special groups such as psychotics, children and mediums . . ."

The document continues by saying , "Learning studies will be instituted in which the subject will be rewarded or punished for his overall performance and reinforced in various ways by being told whether he was right, by being told what the target was, with electric shock etc."  The proposal then goes on to say, "In other cases drugs and psychological tricks will be used to modify his attitudes.  The experimenters will be particularly interested in disassociative states, and an attempt will be made to induce a number of states of this kind, using hypnosis."

My heart practically stood still the day that I read this.  It described perfectly what I had remembered and journaled when I was taken in 1952 at four years of age from my grandfathers home.  

During the first few days of my experiments, they used truth serum as well as electric shock to identify alters currently residing within me.  They used visualization techniques to create alters for their own nefarious purposes.  Later I used the same techniques to undo their programming.

The infinity sign or number eight on its side had been used to separate two lands in my body where alters were held.  One side of my body contained Neverland and the other side contained Shadowland.  My baby alter, who was preverbal was stuck in Neverland where she never grew up, just like Peter Pan.

Sid Gottlieb, Directorate of Operations of the Technical Services Staff (TSS) of CIA in charge of their behavioral program through MKULTRA would bottle feed and hold this part and bond the baby part to him setting up an internal dichotomy where I thought I depended on him for nourishment--food, drink, love etc.

Baby and the alter that was sent to Shadowland were told they would have eternal life if the alter in Shadowland
carried out the missions he was given.  This part had psychic abilities and was trained to use the "Red Fire" to cause strokes & aneurysms in "targets."  Anyway as you can see one land held the baby and another the
alter with the "violence."  The programmers had codes to access the baby part, and you had to go through in that order, Baby first than the codes to access the alter who used the red fire.  It was a brilliant system to be sure as the Baby was totally hooked using "Maslows Theory" to these programmers and if the body was caught their was no way they would ever get to the part that was used for missions.  The infinity symbol was drawn on a black board and reinforced repeatedly through hypnosis until all the systems were locked down tight.  I hope this makes sense.

No matter what experiment he was to make me a part of, I would love and remain loyal to the man who my baby alter considered sole supplier of the basics of life, food and love.)  When he died in 1999, my programming immediately started to deteriorate.  It was very difficult to manage and allow the opposing feelings of love and hate for this man.  Part of me loved him as a father and other parts of me  felt hatred and  contempt.

When I was 12, after being given a shot of curare I underwent sensory deprivation in a box filled with snakes.  Then the procedures you see depicted took place at the Montreal Neurological Institute on McGill campus.  McGill Campus was also home to the Allen Memorial Institute of Psychiatry where   CIA funded Dr.   Ewen Cameron performed mind control experiments on unsuspecting Canadians.  Several of his victims later sued the U.S. government and won after an exhaustive court battle.

The reason I show this drawing  is to show how a mind retains information even through extreme trauma.

My drawing is of stereotaxic surgery being performed by Dr. Wilder Penfield in Montreal Canada.  A nurse who worked in Montreal recently approached me at a conference I spoke at.  She saw children regularly shuttled back and forth from Allen Memorial Institute and Montreal Neurological institute in the 60's.  The parents of these children had given their consent to have sterotaxic surgery because of their epilepsy.  They were never told that their children's brains would be mapped.

During the experiments on me electrodes were inserted into sleeve guides and my brain was probed while someone in the room recorded what was being said.  Dr. Penfield told them   my brain was like a tape recorder and he just needed to take me back in time.  He did this by touching different spots in my brain.  They kept recording the memories induced from images in my past and later Sid Gottlieb used them for future programming sessions.  Recently I discovered that the Soviets during the 60's and the 70's found that by passing a low voltage current from the front of the brain to the back, they could drop their remote viewers into the Delta State.  Using this artificial means they found Delta to be the doorway to telepathic influencing, telekinesis and remote killing.

The adult survivors of these pictures from the Department of Energy   experiments done during the 50’s and 60’s have written to me.  They both were also used in other MKULTRA experiments.  Even though the CIA denies using children, these are clear-cut examples of a few of the remaining pieces of evidence.

This  is a Positron Emitter Detector, circa 1962.  It is an early version of the PET scan now in use.  The PET scan produces images of how living brain cells work collectively to retrieve memories and form words—in short the physics of thinking.

My drawing shows how each alter was being programmed.  Detectable energy flashes were being picked up and a recording was made assuring the doctors that they indeed were working with different parts of my personality, separate and apart from the me that they would eventually reawaken.

During the 1980's, Stargate a remote viewing project was done at Ft. Meade, using binaural beat tones that changed the brain waves through earphones.  A hemi-sync device that played two different frequencies into each ear was found to produce altered states of consciousness.  Perhaps the technology they used was derived from these experiments done in the 60's on people like me.

Below is a portable ect unit which many survivors became intimately acquainted with.

I'm sure you find it morally reprehensible and difficult to fathom how anyone could even consider using children to investigate these possibilities.  I am but one of the many children who were the CIA's convenient experimental subjects.  As I reclaimed the power that was taken from me as a child, I learned that the humiliation, guilt and degradation they heaped on my shoulders was theirs—not mine.

Winston Churchill said,

"Most people occasionally stumble over the truth, but pick themselves up and continue on as if nothing had ever happened."

Arthur Schopenhauer said,

"All truth passes through three stages.  First, it is ridiculed.  Second it is violently opposed.  Third it is accepted as being self-evident."

I am not looking for notoriety, nor do I believe I'm special.  I'm just one of the many Cold War children who were convenient lab rats for a group of despicable people.  Time would not permit for my entire life history to be repeated here nor could your stomachs handle it.  There is information on people involved in "The Shadow Government" and importation and usage of nazi's as well as documentation on RADIATION, BIOLOGICAL and Chemical experiments in my book.   Ordering Information for A Nation Betrayed

Without these declassified documents my story would sound like just another piece of science fiction.  In the three years it took me to write "A Nation Betrayed" I walked through a trail of tears that I sometimes felt I would drown in.  The emotions of the hundreds of thousands of victims of this cold war nightmare still haunt me.  I hope this book will continue to speak for the silent masses for decades to come.  The truth can set us free!!!
Thank You!!!  

http://my.dmci.net/~casey/Indiana%20University%20Lecture%202003.html